Open letter to world leaders – You’re doing it wrong!
Yoga LeaksDear Presidents, Premiers, Prime Ministers, Oligarchs, and Billionaires,
I have to let you in on a secret. The trajectory which you have fixed the course of your nation is leading you directly towards the jagged rocks of deep, thorough, public humiliation; and some pretty serious personal suffering (long sentence permits you to gasp for air here). There are no life rafts because your ship is unsinkable, right? What are you going to do?
That you continue to seek power in the same way as those who went before you is, frankly, boring. Very 1980. Your kids think you are totally uncool. And if they don’t, they will.
My country was once as corrupt as yours is today. I know what it’s like. Fortunately for the planet and our race, it can no longer be like the ol’ days, where we elite scratch each other’s backs and bypass laws and conscience. The karmic wheel spins faster than ever before. Did you know that secrets have evolved into an air-like substance? They can't be contained.
Exposed schemes and bribes will be the daily joke on social media until you quit playing the political version of, “Why are you hitting yourself?” You might be buffered by money, but even money is not what it used to be. Fewer people go after the billions, have you noticed? If you like tattoos, you might consider getting one that says, Secrets have no integrity. Maybe a necessary reminder for this transitional period. Everyone will know what you’ve said and done. Not today, but sooner than you’d like.
If this is not reason enough to change tact, here's a fact. Karma and re-incarnation is real. I speak from experience. Rip the palm trees from under the orangutans, dig up half of Australia for minerals, kill our whales and dolphins, and you can look forwards to a crazy and miserable life next time around. You can’t have both. If you harm the defenceless, consider your karma multiplied a thousandfold.
Lobbyists are rats, people! Politicians, break your addiction now. Go outside and do your own research on what your country cares about. Remember those dreams you had when you were 6 years old; you believed that your leadership would make the world a better place? You still can! Lobbyists were the deckhands of that ship which sank a moment ago. They're as outdated as reality TV and plastic surgery. I hope they're outdated.
If you stay in bed with these guys, you will get caught with your pants down, I promise. Try explaining that to your grandchildren. Bending over for Monsanto was your ultimate mistake. Maybe the most naïve citizens of the world still believed that you represented their interests. But now your following is zero. You are nothing but a puppet with a stranger’s giant, stinking hand up your. What is the name of that part of a puppet?
I suppose I should let you know that a crash is coming. It's going to make the global financial collapse look like it was a bad day at the races. Big Pharma, you keep people sick because a lot of people make a lot of money. It’s the worst kept secret on the planet. I look forwards to your perp walk on national TV. It has to be this way. We can't advance as a race when half of us are morbidly obese or riddled with cancer.
The real Kim Jong-un. I know! I expected him to look more asian too. Thanks google search!Kim Jong-un, you seek fame and respect? Then why the hell are you behaving exactly what a spoiled, cocooned child of a dictator would behave? To be famous, you need to do something unexpected. Like if you became good and generous. Here's your chance to be remembered as the guy who put N. Korea on the map, and you off the scary crazy man list.
Thank you for reading yogaleaks.com, by the way. May I call you UN?
I usually don’t do private consultations, but I’d be happy to teach you how to cleanse. Boy, will you think differently with a clean colon! Prison labour colonies will actually look like a terrible idea. I promise I won’t mention those pointy things you’ve got aimed at the horizon. One step at a time, UN.
China, you’ve fallen for the values of the west, but it’s a trap! You don’t have to imprison your own people in factories to become great. You have been great all along. You produced the highest wisdom at a time when you didn’t censor knowledge or religion. I sense you are afraid of a chaotic future. Maybe you wonder how long you can hold down your people. And you should be afraid, because humanity has never been kept down (for long).
History will remember you as leaders of unhappy, narrowly educated people who are very aware of what you are doing to them. This is not the behaviour that makes a country great. Release your grip, and see that your people will not run from you. Thank god for Stockholm Syndrome. They will love you and make you proud, because they love China, especially the China that was once a world power - a cultured, free and curious people who could explore their quantum universe. Remember, you used to discover crazy things, like meridians and qi energy.
America. What happened? What did you do?! I think we need to go to the corner and think about where we went wrong. Pull global dominance off of its gilded shrine. Maybe the best remedy is to share a nice cleanse with my new friend UN. I don't know why, but clarity can fast be found when laying with buddies in a hot room full of steam followed by a plunge in icy cold water. I'll tell you about the first lesson of Byron Katie: There are three businesses in this world: my business, your business and God’s business. Then you have to ask yourself: Whose business are you in? A lot of my American friends tell me that they feel uncared for. They speak, but no one listens. Of course you're not the only ones who get into other people's business, but you definitely champion the cause.
Russia, don’t think your outrageous oppression is sneaking past the world’s eyes unnoticed. I just won’t go into detail because of your penchant for killing people. If you may permit me one question though. Have you thought through your plan of killing anybody who doesn’t like you? History shows that killing people doesn't really make the yet-to-be-killed feel warm and fuzzy.
Finally, lets come in for a group hug. Hear my soft, assuring whispers; a secret that will transform you and your minions into a form of greatness that you have yet to achieve.
You don’t have to be afraid of women.
Sirens, witches, and fem fatales only exist in fairy tales - and the Secret Service. Did you know that the word coward appears on your forehead every single time you say “we protect you for your own good”?.
Enough!
We’re fine. In fact, we’re fantastic, extremely capable and divinely creative. Do you want your son to grow up in a world with peace, effortless communication, and abundant natural resources? Then include the women - your mothers, sisters and wives. If we’re acting crazy it’s because you are standing in front of the freaking door and won’t hand over the car keys. Women won’t harm you like you harmed them. Okay, maybe once, a little bit, but they are known to forgive fast. Cherish them like they cherish their children. Trust them. They are the missing link that will right the world. Be brave. You can do it.
Give your people everything – your heart and truth. Trust them and they will trust you. Conquering your fear is the beginning of your wisdom. The world is not going to suffer fools much longer.
Sincerely,
Presidentess
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Reader Comments (19)
Sassy Senora Presidentessa!
You're funny young lady. But it's all true. I sense you could have gone on and on. But you picked the biggest issues! Well done.
Hi there Pope. Bless you. Thank you for your comments. Wouldn't it be beyond interesting if everybody wrote open letters to world leaders in various ways? I see a book/website in there.
You have a great eye for world politics. Well, I guess you're in the right profession, then! I loved this post. I wish more people would say things like this, so I agree with your comment to the Pope. Bless him. Your pictures, though always inspiring, was very funny and added much to your interesting text. I'm going to try my own "Dear World" letter. Gotta beat down that strong urge to white knuckle the pen when I get going on that subject. Keep it funny like you. That's what I'll do!
Hi Von Toben. Thanks for your compliments. You can send me the letter when you're done if you like. I'd love to see how you tackled a letter so potentially filled with physical comedy. I hope the paper survives!
Mr Bean is Kim Jong-un? Now it all makes sense! I think you're right about the theraputic colon cleanse. Good spotting! Is that a trend you just started? Writing open letters to world leaders... Hmmm
Boy, you do lay into everyone kind of, although the humor does take the sting out, as it should... You really get creative. Must be strong, the weed in your country.
Excellent latest blog. I especially like the end about women. Peace and love.
Yes Mr. Bean is Kim Jong-un! If you google Kim's name in google images, his real image pops up about four pages down. The other pictures are of his body double.
How come I haven't seen you around at the UN?
My country is not part of the UN party game circut. And you know of all people that the people you see on that round UN table are just crisis actors. The real presidents do their real work (beer pong, planking etc) away from the cameras.
I really love your graphics. Kicking the article off with Q is brilliant. His voice read the article to me. How did you do that?!
Hi. Very true indeed (and funny as usual).
I would add to your list a reference to extreme religious radical leaders of some countries. As I see it, they have lost the true essence of their (potentially great) religion and have transformed it into something completely different than it intended to be (by preventing free speed and thought, suppressing women, killing and torturing their own people and wishing to kill all other external "infidels" – if they just could…) . They now act solely out of fear and for self-survival. But maybe you dropped it altogether in the name of your own self survival (I forgot to mention that they dislike criticism, especially if it is accompanied by good humor)
The pics are brilliant as always. Regarding the last one – Is that a picture of you in your formal presidential outfit ? (you look exactly as I imagined)....
Hi Domo,
Issues like China and N.Korea seem like a small scuffle over cereal at the bottom of the packet compared to those of religious clerics. A whole other kind of crazy! When they believe that God is on their 'side', they tend not to listen to humble world leaders like myself. The dark that they need is shrinking which makes their actions seem even more desperate. Things move slowly but signs indicate that their tortures and murders are in their own final death throws. That's not a picture of me. It's my very own body double. Thanks for reading Domo! xx
Rayon Hard. Great name! Q is a close friend of mine and holidays on my isand nation. He's been begging me to put a picture of him in one of my articles. It's hard to fit him into any relevent subject as he's rather omnipresent. This was the best I could do, and I'm glad it worked for you. Whaaa another rhyme right there! Thanks for reading Rayon Hard.
Looks like Kermit needs to cleanse too. He must feel quite stuck! Great article. Good, careful tredding with Russia. Clever!
Thanks to your posting this on Rebelle Society's site, I have found your blog. Presidentess, you are Awesome! I look forward to more of your wisdom in my life.
Thanks to your posting this on Rebelle Society's site, I have found your blog. Presidentess, you are Awesome! I look forward to more of your wisdom in my life.
Thanks Dee. Gotta love Rebelle-ing! I'll work hard to produce some great packages of information for you. xx