Ronnie says - it's Global Cooling guys!
Yoga Leaks
He’s indisputably the world’s most recognisable clown. Oh, and he hates his job and only does it for the money.
Ronnie's story got interesting when he left the serene shores of my island nation. A published environmental scientist, he made a discovery too important to be simply shared and debated among his peers.
Ronnie was diagnosed with Clown Syndrome at 2 months of age.30 cities in 40 days; Ronnie spoke at every major university and environmental organization. Sadly, his findings were too unusual to be believed despite indisputable proof. Belief gate-crashed the science party and Ronnie's scientific credibility fell into disrepute.
Hungry and unemployed, Ronnie turned to the kind of work that's always been there for him: commercials. His rare genetic condition, which gave him his trademark hair and facial features, is advertising gold.
On set it was down to the final two candidates for the TV commercial that was his destiny.
The commercial: to be the face of an unknown fast food joint. It served an interpretation of food so inferior, even the most undiscerning person would surely not eat that crap. A one commercial commitment.
Ronnie's plan.
1. Take the money and run...
2. ..to his favourite organic salad bar.
3. Green light his core-sampling trip to Antarctica.
Before his big break, Ronnie tried every possible way to get to Antarctica. The success of the fast food franchise, who bought his face in the small print, was not part of his plan. His contract bound him to the role indefinitely, though he did go AWOL for his Antarctica expedition. When he returned, he created the ultra-secret Underground Science Movement. The first rule of the Underground Science Movement is: Don't talk about the Underground Science Movement. The second rule is.. (you know!)
Above ground Ronnie created the Committee for Global Cooling. His Antarctica expedition further proved his theory that had him black-listed from the official science world. Fossilized tree rings, and core samples from Antarctica revealed patterns in the Earth’s lifecycle that repeats itself. Yes, his big discovery has to do with The Earth’s lifecycle.
Ronnie gets escorted out of an unscheduled meeting with the envoronment ministerIn case you're not cool enough to get invited to Underground Science Movement, I made some notes from his presentation. Here's the leak:
- Global cooling always begins with the melting of the poles, though they never melt completely. For this to happen, the earth’s atmosphere and oceans warm.
- The weight of the oceans will redistribute and create more earthquakes and volcanic activity than we normally see.
- Then, our oceans will cool. Winters will become more severe in many parts of the world. Larger storms will manifest because of the change in the ocean’s temperature.
"Consider yourself a serious scientist only if you are regularly arrested. Challenge the status quo!" ~ RonnieRonnie goes to great lengths to distinguish Global Cooling from the Greenhouse effect, which happens because we are screwing our environment. They are two different systems that has their own, different effect on all systems of nature.
Ronnie's conclusion is foreboding: If your place has been flooded by one of those once-in-a-hundred-year floods, move. It will happen again, and soon. You heard it here first! - Or second, if you're cool!
Reader Comments (6)
Ronnie is an environmental scientist? How do you connect this stuff? Draw a name and a subject out of a jar? It's always surprising and very creative. You really do different articles compared to what other bloggers are writing. Keep going!
I always knew there was more to this guy than hamburgers. You can also see the sadness in his eyes that he is stuck there.
You should be syndicated!
Finally, a nice story that comes from societal poop. Like lotus from mud, right?
Ronnie is so misunderstood. Of course he hates his job and was tricked into it! I bet he gets paid nothing too. I hope his science work tells the world that he could actually be someone who can help us find solutions to the world's problems. The irony. Of course Maccas would jump at the opportunity to be seen as a savior of the world, since they own Ronnie's face and all. Poor guy can't win!
I have an idea Penny. He needs to get arrested, like a lot! Become a serial arrestee. Than Maccas will have to let him go, because he's damaging the company image. Or get his little cousin Lucy to scream wildly while Ronnie stages a kidnapping. They'll drop him like a hot potato. But there goes his reputation also. Well, he'll have time to explain.