Dear Presidentess: One with everything, please!

From: Adam

Subject: Why am I unable to walk through walls?

Becoming one with the wall: an ancient path to enlightenment.Dear Presidentess,

I have been getting in touch with oneness for years now.  Each day I repeat in a deep, breathy voice, "I am a dynamic person!" for five minutes with soulful contemplation.  Yet I am still unable to walk through walls?  My goal is to become one with the atoms of the wall, but it seems the xenophobic buggers do not accept me into their collective.  What insights can you offer as to how I can win over the wall?            

Dear Adam,

Thanks for reaching out! Arugh; still the worst opening phrase since I validate you. Adam, I feel your pain – metaphorically … you know. Fortunately for you, I think I spotted the reason why you can’t have the we-are-all-one thing with wall atoms. With a quick re-adjustment of your intensions, I feel confident that you will be walling it with their collective in no time!

Here it is. You say that your daily affirmation is, “I am a dynamic person!” Not sure what it’s like where you come from, but the walls I know are not too dynamic! Their affirmation would go something like, “Pack! Pack! Stay veeery Still. Veeery stiiiill. Stiiiiilllll....”.

It's your affirmation mahn! It takes you away from your desire to achieve oneness with walls. Your atoms are under instruction to buzz as dynamically as possible. Time to pick a side and commit. Wall atoms are lovely little buggers - not xenophobic at all (though they don't suffer fools too much). Worth the visit!

 In service

 A great picture of me (facing the camera) with my meditation teacher (his back to the camera), having achieved one-ness-with-the-wall-technique.Presidentess

Comments

[Julian F.]

Hi Pres. Wish you were the Pres of my country! Things would be at least cooler .. and more .. vegetarian .. peaceful ... funny .... and logical in that crazy way of yours!
Your picture at the end is special. Do I see two eyes in that wall?
You showed up in elephantjournal too again, I saw! Congrats. They should make an entire column for you!
Have a happy christmas Pres.

[Carmine Jallen]

I can send you questions?! That's amazing. If only all the Presidents made themselves as available...
Watch this space for my most pressing issues - once I try to put them into one cohesive (and elegant) sentence.